Dedicated to the unfolding of new chapters in the life stories of two precious people

ONCE UPON A TIME,
A pretty young lady became an aunt to an adorable little nephew. She doted on him and he adored her. The little boy moved far away with his parents, but they brought him back to be the page boy at his aunt’s wedding when she married a wonderful man whom she loved very much. The couple could never have children of their own, but the little boy, his three younger siblings, and many other children occupied special places inside their gigantic hearts. From afar, the couple watched the little boy grow up into a strapping young man and they drove all the way to the seashore wedding where the young man married his beautiful bride. When the young couple became parents to their own little boy, the title of Honorary Grandparents was granted to their aunt and uncle by the new parents. The growing family shared in each other’s joy.
AND ALL OF THEM LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

UHM….NOPE, NOT QUITE SO SACCHARINE!

As it turns out, the wonderful uncle and the beautiful young bride/mommy did NOT LIVE ever after, and the devastating loss of their lives shattered the lives of the grief-stricken aunt and nephew, leaving them in an initial state of barely LIVING, distinctly NOT HAPPILY.

I apologize for the quality of the picture I chose for this reflection, but it is so very special to me. This picture of Sulette, my little sister, and 3-month-old Daniel, my firstborn son, was taken on the day of Daniel’s baby dedication at Agape Christian Church in Ballito KZN, March 1994.

Sulette, the little sister whom I have watched grow up, and Daniel, the baby boy whom I have birthed and raised, are two of my dearest loved ones. Thirty one years have passed since the picture was taken. That is a large chunk of Sulette’s adult life – the difference between her 19-year-old youth and her 50-year-old middle age. It is Daniel’s entire lifetime. These two might be a whole generation apart, but they share the same life-altering experience. Both have lost their beloved marital partners to death AND both have found love again and are getting married.

I intentionally started this reflection with a fairytale. Fairytales have a way of shrink-wrapping a story into a compact version which is both neat and acceptably palatable while also highlighting morals, principles and justice. Fairytales are a necessary part of life as they can be beneficial in a wide array of situations, but life is not a fairytale. Excluding the last sentence, the fairytale about Sulette and Daniel is a true story, but it contains only some cherry-picked details of two life stories comprised of multiple chapters. Fairytales fail to sufficiently address deep and serious matters such as loss, pain and suffering. Fairytales have a tendency to become saccharine, whereas real life can be savage at times. Many of us are familiar with and use the phrase LIFE HAPPENS, and while it is true, it is only one side of a two-sided coin. The phrase on the flip side is DEATH HAPPENS. LIFE is a gift and DEATH is a guarantee. In order for us to truly appreciate the magnitude of brightness with which the light of life shines on Sulette & Daniel’s new chapters, we need to revisit some of the darker chapters.

Losing a spouse, is like having half of one’s soul violently ripped away from deep inside. One feels like half a person with a giant gaping wound, an utterly desolate place of being barely alive and drowning in grief. Grief is a little like being tossed into a pitch-dark maze with only a tiny flashlight and tasked to find and flick the switch on a malfunctioning circuit breaker. The batteries in the flashlight are running low, the darkness is filled with suffocating sorrow and the painful memories act like microscopic aerosolised shards of shattered glass causing unbearable pain with each breath.

I was there on 9 December 1995 when Sulette Smit became Sulette van der Merwe. She married her beloved Pieter van der Merwe in Secunda, Mpumalanga. I observed how their beautiful love story became a testimony of an indescribable connection between two surrendered souls where two people share all of their two lives with each other in a single union. I witnessed the exuberant joy with which they enjoyed the best things in life. I witnessed the tenacious endurance with which they soldiered through the tough times. I witnessed the unparalleled bravery with which they battled the worst blows of life. These blows became relentless, and on the evening of 1 April 2024, it turned fatal. Pieter passed away in a hospital bed with Sulette at his side.

I was there on 26 September 2015 when Daniel married his beloved Carli Potgieter and she became Carli van Aswegen. It was on the beach in Scottburgh KZN. I observed the purity of young love between the exquisitely radiant fairy Princess Bride and her Prince Charming. I witnessed the energetic eagerness with which they embraced the bright, beautiful future ahead of them. They did so from the very moment where, in true fairytale style, they rode into the golden sunset. Side-by-side, through happiness and heartache, their ride turned out to be so heartbreakingly short. On 18 September 2020 Carli was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer and on 25 January 2022 she passed away at home.

I was also there in the aftermath of the loss of two precious lives and the funerals (on 28 January 2022 & 9 April 2024). I can still remember how the control room in my shattered soul stroked out… When 3-year-old Micah threw his tiny little hands in the air, demanding an answer to his question – AND WHERE IS MY BEAUTIFUL MOMMY? When the undertaker drove away with the lifeless body of my beloved daughter-in-love. Upon waiting for and finally receiving the phone call to say that Pieter’s fight is over. I mourned the dead and felt splagchnizomai for the living. I saw their pain. I heard their pain. I felt their pain. I tasted their pain. I breathed their pain.

Sulette and Daniel understand something which goes far beyond the fairytale of a WEDDING DAY. They understand the profound depth of the commitment to MARRIAGE, the real-life journey after the fairytale, from WEDDING DAY all the way to FUNERAL.

Two chapters, THE MARRIAGE OF DANIEL AND CARLI (2015-2022) & THE MARRIAGE OF PIETER AND SULETTE (1995-2024), reached completion and were published in its final, uneditable format. Published in the life stories of Daniel and Sulette. Published in the life stories of everyone who love them. Published in the life stories of everyone who loves Carli and Pieter, and while they are no longer with us, our love for them and the legacy they left behind, will live on.

**In loving memory of Pieter van der Merwe (1972-2024) and Carli van Aswegen (1995-2022)**

I thank our Lord that, in the darkness of their respective grief journeys, Sulette and Daniel managed to find the circuit breakers. They have flicked the switches to reveal beautiful bright light shining on new chapters of their life stories.

On 26 July 2025 Sarel Theron will wait at an altar in Secunda, Mpumalanga to marry his beloved Sulette van der Merwe and she will become Sulette Theron. On 2 August 2025 Chanré Taute will become Chanré van Aswegen when she marries her beloved Daniel in Bloemfontein. She will also, officially, become mother to six-year-old Micah. Truth be told, Chanré has already so faithfully stepped up to the plate of being Micah’s loving mommy and she has tunnelled her way into my heart, as beloved daughter-in-love, long ago.

Two beautiful love stories are unfolding. My beloved little sister and my beloved firstborn son will, once again, experience the happiness and delightful festivity of fairytale weddings and the healing warmth of true love. It is with a sense of profound gratitude and excitement, that I look forward to share in the joy of these two beautiful WEDDINGS. Thereafter, I will be in their corners, rooting for the success of their MARRIAGES, the real-life, non-fairtytale parts of their new chapters.

Oh Lord, my Lord, thank You for new chapters and new beginnings. Thank You for Your unfailing and steadfast love for all of us. May our hope remain in You and our eyes fixed on You, always. Amen.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in Him.’”‭‭
Lamentations‬ ‭3‬:‭22-24 ESV